go do what you do best...puke behind churches
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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