Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
