I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
