Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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