Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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