We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
