Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
