Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
