I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
