Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
