i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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