my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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