I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
