Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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