It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
