yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
