Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
