I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
