Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think I am morally bankrupt
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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