Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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