She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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