i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
