omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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