my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
