I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
