Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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