So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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