there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
