Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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