we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So much rum. So many feels.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
