my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
