Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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