Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
