I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
