my phone needs a breathalizer
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He better not be in your backpack
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
