Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
