I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
