If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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