JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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