I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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