my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
