Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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