you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
