Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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