I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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