Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize