Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
