It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize