Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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