cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
