some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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