Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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