I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
