dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
