Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just invented taco cereal.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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