We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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