she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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