I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
