Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
