So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
