I cannot find my penis.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
